I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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