If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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