does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
