Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Found the puke drawer
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
