I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
