that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
