What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
