she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
