dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
