Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
