watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
