Nicole vs. Life
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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