i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
