There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
