I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Couch. On fire.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
