He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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