Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
