This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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