I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
