But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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