She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
