TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
