I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I understand Curling. That high.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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