I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
