shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
