I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
