piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
