I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
