I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
