I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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