I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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