Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He passed out mid-signature
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
