So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
