I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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