if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
