Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
