Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
