It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
