i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sext me about skeletons
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
