can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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