My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
