i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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