i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
