He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
