I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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