absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
