I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
