I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
how does that bad decision feel?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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