You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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