i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
